Yes, Heaven Leigh Casteel (which we are told to accept as a name someone would inflict on a child) is the most desired, yet the most hated. All the men leer at her, and all the women sneer at her. There is barely anything in between. But what do you expect? This is the V.C. Andrews formula.

Last time I wrote, I told you all about that formula: poor, special, tragic little darlings — haunted by secrets, taunted by happiness that is just out of reach! Everybody wants them! Heaven was the first of them. …


I mean, someone has to!

So it looks like Lifetime is committing to this V.C. Andrews thing. Having adapted Flowers in the Attic and the rest of The Dollanganger Saga, then My Sweet Audrina, they’re now in the middle of making The Casteel Saga into a heavily-pimped summer movie event and it feels like no one is here for it. Except me.

I am here for every kitschy, soapy second of it. I know what we’re in for, having watched the previously mentioned adaptations. …


Yes, I’m back. After my big giant rant, I am still coming back to finish what I started in the (possibly vain) hopes that Carter will give us a good, cohesive, coherent Season 11. I last finished these grueling, season-long recaps with Season 6. I did want to recap all of the series before season 10, but the combination of these being very hard and Season 10 being awful, that left me full of rage-quit. I promised, though, that I would come back once Season 11 was on the horizon and they ONLY JUST announced it would be coming back…


Yes, I photoshopped a movie poster. Because I HAD TO!

So I recently found this article written by the author of the hour: Lani Sarem. If you don’t know about the situation with her, see this masterpiece and, if you have time, Kayleigh Donaldson’s real-time thread on Twitter as this whole thing unravels.


“Dragonstone” checks in on all of our major players while “Stormborn” starts off the skirmishing and “The Queen’s Justice” finally puts ice and fire together.

Did you miss me? (Don’t answer that) I know there’s just a wee handful of you Freefolk that read my silly, snarky recaps, but I felt it would be remiss of me not to explain where I’ve been. First of all, Legendary Women has been on a semi-hiatus, and we’ve decided that, with so many of us dealing with struggle or overload in other areas of our lives, that is okay. I still did intend…


I mean, it was like one long, wincing, cringing case of secondhand embarrassment. In other words, I finally saw last week’s off-brand Dirty Dancing remake.

It wasn’t a hatewatch for me, not even after it got underway. I looked forward to it being bad in a fun way, a la Showgirls, or at least competent. I’m always on the side of wanting to like things, even if it’s for the wrong reasons. But this movie…

If I had to describe the experience, I guess it was most like going to see a local theater production of a familiar musical where…


It seems like, since we lost Carrie, everyone wants to make sure you know she was more than Princess Leia… and I suppose I am no exception.

“I have to start by telling you that my entire existence could be summed up in one phrase. And that is: if my life wasn’t funny it would just be true, and that is unacceptable.” — Wishful Drinking, 2008


Looking up romance novel parody covers has been a balm to my wounded soul. An excellent cover from this man.

I’m just going to say it: I am an unapologetic Romance reader. I spent many years being apologetic about it, actually, until I realized that was wasted time I could have spent reading more romance novels.

I read other things, things that I am much less likely to hide behind better books when family is over, things I might discuss at parties (until people start looking at me in that glassy-eyed way)…


Kathy Bates and Jennifer Jason Leigh (Dolores Claiborne, 1995)

Stephen King is going through a bit of a revival right now and I, for one, couldn’t be happier about it. In 2017, we’re getting film adaptations of The Dark Tower, Gerald’s Game, and the first half of It. In 2018, we’re getting a Dark Tower series that ties to the films and, I hope, the Mr. Mercedes miniseries that’s been in development hell for years now. All these young whipper-snappers are discovering his work for the first time and I’m just so giddy, seeing more people discovering one of the greatest writers of our time!

Yeah. I said it…

April Walsh

Professional singer. Amateur writer. Accomplished nerd.

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